I found you, smiling down at me

It has been almost a year since you were taken away. I still cannot believe it has been that long, seems like yesterday when I first heard you did not come home. That first day I thought that maybe you were just out blowing off steam. The second morning when no one had heard from you, I knew something was wrong. I sat hear that weekend with the sickest feeling deep down in my stomach. I called everyone I knew to tell them to look for your car or you. I cried more that weekend than I have any other weekend in my life. I kept calling your phone praying to hear you say hello. I went everywhere and talked to people I had never seen with the hope they had seen you. As the hours turned to days, days turned into weeks, weeks into months and now months into a year. I wake up everyday hoping it was all a bad dream. I finally know that my life has to move forward and I have to keep living even if it is without you. It took me a long time to accept that you were not going to walk through my front door. I knew that from the beginning, but there was always that hope. Friends have come and gone like the seasons. Things have changed in so many ways, some for the best. Some, I would do anything to get back to the way they were. I sit and I stare out over the treetops with the sky turning so gray, I miss you sitting next to me. I want you back talking on the phone, yelling at me because I forgot Kiegan's jacket or just talking about what to do tomorrow. Nevertheless, I could give you a million and one reason’s you need to be hear, two big ones at the top! Waking up every morning, I think of you, wondering if you can hear me when I talk to you. Do you know how much you are missed? Do you know how much you were loved? Do you know how much you were counted on? I think about these things the most. I know that life will go on but life sucks without you in it! If you can hear me, I just want you to know that everything I am doing and will do in life is because of you. You are the reason that I have finally realized no one can make my dreams come true but me! I just hope you are with me every new step I take. You were the one that always believed in me and would never let anyone get in our way. Now, it is my turn, I will not let anyone or anything get in the way. Kelly, it may have taken me almost a year to finally get out of bed and look out over the treetops. What do you think I found? You, smiling down at me, that is when I new what to do and who to do it for! Kelly, I miss you more with each passing day. I would have never thought your heart could really hurt, but when I think about you and you not walking through my door my heart does hurts. It hurts now just as much as it did a year ago. I do not know when it will stop or if it ever will. One thing I do know. You have touched too many lives with your smile to be forgotten. Missed more than ever thought possible!

The Perfect Girl Friend? I am one of the Lucky Ones Because I had you

As a sit here late at night, with nobody to talk too. My mind always turns to you. Who am I kidding when does my mind not turn to you? No one can understand, I take that back, there is someone out there that understands. I finally got what direction you kept pointing me in and I am so sorry that I was not strong enough to see that before, I do now. And with me and her together we will always keep your spirit alive. We sit and talk about times that we really did forget about. You know what Girl we have been together alot more than me and you ever realized. But I like to smile when I remember something else that us three did in High School. I just wish I had alot more memories, there was so much that we were going to do and so much that we didn't even have to plan. Everyday with you is a memory, in one way or another. Kelly you were the one friend that I had that I knew was going to be my friend through out life. We were alike in so many ways, and different that we balanced each other out just right. If they put us together you would have the perfect friend. That is something that people go there whole life looking for the Perfect Friend. Think about, when you are little you just want the girl who will come and play but not take your toys. Then you discover the root of evil, Boys. At that point you just want a girl that is going to tell you what he said on the playground. Next, Middle School if you ask me that is when you discover that you cannot trust many girls and everyone is talking about you even if they say they are a friend. High School the true test if you can go all through High School with one girl that started and finished with you and still calls you friend not acquaintance, then consider your self one of the lucky. Being an adult with responsibilities can change alot people because everyone has a different set of these responsibilities. Weather it be school and all the parties, or getting married and having kids, or just getting a job a real job. Everyone goes there own path. If you can sit and think of one person that you are friends with now that has been there for every new step that life has led you since you have gotten out of school keep a hold of them they know to much to let go of now! At least that is what I feel that you go through, you are always looking for that perfect girl friend. If you found her way back then or even if you found her now I will tell you never let her go one day without telling her how much you need her. You never know when this world is going to say you have had her to long and decides that she belongs to the man up stairs. If I just had one more day with you there is so much more I would tell you. I sit and think about the times that I would bitch about you. (I know I drove you nuts too) Instead I should have told you how nice it was to have you in my life, how much my life changed for the better since you walked back into it. I just knew that you were going to be with me for the rest of the big milestones; first broken heart, first real dates, homecomings, proms, our kido's pulling out of the driveway for the first time without us, watching are watches all night until they pulled back in safe, graduation, having to finally let them go (even if we tried to keep them forever) We were suppose to be the young grandmas because we were going to be young enough to still live life when we did let go. I know you sent me too her. I know in my heart of hearts you know that in this time in my life and I guess for the rest of my life, that I need her and she needs me. Because together, besides seeing those two beautiful smiles that look just like you, is when I feel the closest too you. I will NEVER find another you because you are irreplaceable! You were my one Perfect Girl Friend, never to be replaced, never to be forgotten. You need to remember one thing Kelly, not only do you have me that you get the tittle of the the Perfect Girl Friend from because you are among the handful that has also had the one Perfect Girl Friend from way back when all we had to worry about was her not taking our toys. So not one but two lives that you blessed. With the one thing in the world that very few have that are true and that is, Friendship. You may be gone but I hope you know you will never be forgotten, you are the bond that know holds my next journey with an old friend I will not say together, but I will say, our bond together is you. With us walking through this world without you, is a much sadder world, but together we make it a little bit brighter. I just hope some day we can actually wake up and understand. I just hope some day we actually wake up and finally have the closure that we so desperately need. I just hope some day we actually wake up and finally feel you are at peace. I just hope that day comes girl, because you have two girls down here that everyday we wake up lost in this world without you. Missing you, your true Girl Friends You may be gone but never forgotten!!!!!!!

It does not get any easier!

Everyone I meet or see tell me the same thing it will get easier. I would just like to scream at the top of my lungs and say when!! When will I wake up and you not be the first thing on my mind. When will I drive down the road and something not remind me of something we did or said. When will I be able to use my hair straightener without crying because it reminds me of you. So to me I feel it will never get easier. Waking up and wanting to call you and tell you the fit that Kolt through last night or ask what are plans were for the day. You were the one friend I had that was my friend because of me. I knew no matter what I did or said that you were going to love me tomorrow even though you may not have agreed with it. You would laugh your ass off when it blew up in my face. But, I knew you would always be there to pick me up. You made me a better person just by being there. I like to think that I made you a better person too. I would just like to say that I am sorry there were so many people that did not get to see that change in you the way I did. I know that I will never find a friend like you again. One that has my back even when I am not around. So for that I would like to apologize to you for not being a better friend and voice my opinion more on your situation. Kelly nothing I say or do will bring you back to us. I hope you know that I would do anything to go back to May 25 and make you go with me to the school. But knowing now what we do it would have happened anyways but that would have given me one more day to see that beautiful smile and that wonderful laugh. That is what I miss the most. I know that you are with me everyday in spirit and I need you to give me the strength to take one step forward and not two back. Just remember that you were loved by so many, I just wish you knew that before. So to those who say it will get easier, I say to you. You did not know the same person that I knew the one that was excited about really getting to be a mom, Loved her family unconditionally no matter what, and the girl that dreamed of a loving husband with the white picket fence and the kids playing in the yard. And she promised me that I would not have to wear a ugly bridesmaid dress because she Loved me that much. I just wish everyone could have gotten to know the true Kelly Jo Elliott not the one she portrayed. For the longest time I thought she was this tough girl that didn't let anyone or anything get to her. But, I could never have been so wrong. The girl that everyone knew as the girl with the beautiful voice was also a beautiful person who cried when someone said something hurtful, or worried when someone she loved was sick or hurt. All she ever wanted to do is to make people proud of her and love her for who she was not who they thought she should be. Kelly I hope that you know that I would not change a thing about you baby girl I loved you for who you were and who you could have been if you would have been given the chance. So to those people that say it will get easier if you ever in your life time have someone with so many wonderful qualities taken away for no reason(and you can not give me a good one) and at such precious time in her life and it has gotten easier please tell me how you did it because I don't know how to because everything I do reminds me of her. Missing You Kelly Jo!!!